Cultures...

So I have this neighbor. She started wandering over to our little moms group that hangs out outside recently with her two-year-old. She is very sweet, very generous, kind to all the kids and jumps in to help child-wrangle any way she can.

The moms I hang out with outside, they couldn't be more welcoming of whoever wants to come play. It wasn't long ago that Ben and I were the newbies to the group and we never felt like we were intruding or not wanted. So I do my best now to pass that kindness along to whoever else wanders over. Moms need to stick together and support and help one another, whether you are at home all day, part of the time, or work outside the home full-time. And we have quite a mix of all of the above.

Anyway, so this neighbor. She is Indian. As in, just came here a few years ago from India on her husband's student visa indian. As in, arranged marriage, going BACK to India in a few years Indian. She speaks perfect English. In fact, she apparently speaks EIGHT languages and her little boy speaks a crazy number of languages already at age two. No problem...

Except that none of us know what to do say or do with her. I mean, the rest of us will sit around whine about our husbands working late or how hard our days have been, how we're throwing chicken nuggets in the oven for dinner and the husband will have to fend for himself that night. She rarely contributes to our conversations... it's just hard to engage someone whose life is SO very different from the one you live. But in trying to understand her and find someone common ground, I've asked a lot of questions lately...

I've learned Her husband leaves for work every morning, taking the only car. She is home all day long with the two-year-old. She cooks two full-on homemade, from scratch meals a day, breakfast and dinner.

She never ever complains.

On one hand, I feel badly for her. We all know how hard it is to be home all day long alone with the kids. But to not have the CHOICE to go anywhere? To HAVE to cook TWO meals a day, no matter what? To be here, in a country where everything is completely different, with a husband you probably STILL don't know very well... your only company, this group of girls who sit around whining because their husbands are ten minutes late coming home and trying to decide whether to throw in the frozen pizza or order carryout.

On the other hand, I wonder if she would be insulted that I feel sorry for her. She's just doing what she knows... what her mom did and her grandmother before her.

I want to be welcoming and accepting and find ways to show her kindness. But, I just find myself at a loss for what to do or say. I don't want to be offensive or presumptuous.

I'm mostly just thinking out loud, but if anyone has any thoughts of suggestions, I'd love to hear them...