Slowly Back to Routine... for now....

Jonathan went to school yesterday. At the teacher's request, I switched around the order of drop off so he was dropped off at 9a.m. BEFORE the other boys. That gives him 15 minutes before the other kids come to get his freakout out of the way. I heard from other moms he was fine when they got there at regular dropoff time. No reports of him hitting his teacher yesterday either so YAY for that. Baby steps and all.

I was a little concerned the timing of the big boys' dropoff would be tough, but it worked out perfectly, so this is what we'll be doing from now on, at least until Jonathan decides he can walk into school and start the day without a freakout.

Ben is working on ideas for the science fair, which is mandatory for 4th and 5th graders. Neither one of us are particularly thrilled about this. I wish they would save this for middle school, but whatever. Thus far, his ideas include something about taco sauce cleaning pennies and something with laundry detergent. I'm pushing for the laundry one because there are lots of ways to play it out and lots of easy, hands-on data you can gather.   He wants to do the taco sauce one because that's what he's into these days... tacos. LOL.

Simon has gotten a bit lazy and I'll admit it's my fault. I have been busy putting out fires with Jonathan and not cracking the whip as much with homework quality and extra reading/going over math flashcards. I need to push him back to the top of the list for awhile.

I hope the kids get in a decent run of school before we get slammed with more snow and ice.... it's really hard to keep them motivated when they keep having days off and late days. There really has been ZERO routine in weeks.

I think this may be the longest winter ever....

What I Wish More People Understood....

We started a long and very educational journey through early intervention a couple of years ago with Jonathan was 16 months old and not really talking or making sounds. It turned out to not be quite as straight forward as late speech and, long story short, for those who don't know, we participated in a study at the Kennedy Krieger Institute over the summer and he tested on the the autism spectrum, which, at that point in the journey, was not a huge surprise.

Now, since then, we've gone back and forth with our Infants and Toddlers team on how accurate that was, because it was only a study and he wasn't all that cooperative for some of it. But, I think what what we've concluded is that he definitely has some atypical behavior and social development and, most likely would test on and off the spectrum depending on the day and who was administering the test. So basically, he straddles the border.

Mostly, I really haven't worried a whole lot about this. First off, a lot of the atypical things are issues we had dealt with before with Ben, (who was never diagnosed with ASD, but looking back, I'm pretty sure he might have been if we had had him tested when he was Jonathan's age... at the very least he is SUPER quirky...LOL)  So it's not much new for us and we have living proof that some things can be learned or grown out of. Plus, we have SO much support with Jonathan that we did not have with Ben in the form of various county services.

Lately though, things have gotten a little more complicated.

Jonathan is his own person, of course....  and ASD is unique in each and every case. There is a phrase that circulates among the autism community that says, "If you have seen one child with autism, you have seen one child with autism."

Ben was challenging in his own ways with tons of perseveration, sensory issues and eating problems.  Social weaknesses, unnoticed before,  surfaced around second grade.  Although Jonathan's issues also include the perseveration on topics of interest, he has a lot more issues with very poor (and seemingly irrational) social reactions in certain situations. There are very specific ways you have to word things and deal with him or things spiral out of control quickly.

School has become a HUGE issue. HUGE. Enormous. Elephant-sized, even.

His behavior lately has been just hugely difficult and embarrassing.  I never thought I'd have the child who hits other kids (for reasons that almost always have to do with his perseveration du jour and the very black and white way he sees the world) and throws toys. I've dealt with separation anxiety freak outs plenty, but his take it to a whole new level. He becomes angry and violent. His teacher told me Friday that he threw toys and pushed chairs and hit her. Eventually he calms down, but in those moments during the meltdown, it's really REALLY awful.  She was pretty nonplussed by it... but I felt awful.

I also can't get him potty-trained, for reasons I can't really quite figure out, but they tell me it's normal and to relax. So I have backed off.

Everywhere I turn people who don't get it at all have unsolicited advice for how to deal with his behavior and my answer is, "You just don't understand.... what works for a typical child will not necessarily work with him." We are still figuring out how to manage him... but suffice to say, traditional methods have failed almost 100% of the time.

It's hard for most people to understand because he is NOT what most people think of when they think about autism spectrum disorder. I am discovering that the vast majority of people (even our pediatrician) do NOT really grasp what it means to be on the very high-functioning end of the spectrum. It looks "normal" in most respects.... and when it does come into play, he often just looks like an undisciplined brat of a child or that I haven't been teaching him simple manners like saying hello back to people. I promise you, he is challenging and defiant at times, but he isn't a brat and we are SO consistent with him and work very hard to teach him the appropriate social behavior that does not come naturally for him.  If you could see him at his best... one-on-one... he is the sweetest, most affectionate, smart, funny little kid.

School is working SO hard with him and I give them all the credit in the world. They are incredibly good to us.  I know they think I'm making more of his issues than I should though... that I worry too much. I just want to fix/improve as much as I can before kindergarten. I also want to spare him at least some of the social issues Ben dealt with. The early intervention teachers keep assuring me it really WORKS-- that he CAN be taught these things... how to make eye contact, how to understand how people are feeling, how to respond appropriately, how to have a conversation, what a friend is.... that other kids are even worth his time and effort. It all just needs to be practiced and taught over and over and over again.

I don't even know where I'm going with this except to say that Jonathan has taught me not to be so quick judge a child or the parents of a child who is behaving inappropriately. Heck, I used to even think, "You can't get your child potty trained by three? You MUST be doing something wrong..."  Yeah... he has taught me a WHOLE lot, and for that I am grateful.

I wish more people knew more about what high-functioning ASD looks like or means.... mostly because there are a LOT of quirky kids out there... it's not always full-on ASD, but yeah, quirky is everywhere. I feel like I do a lot of making excuses for Jonathan or explaining him to people and it's exhausting and frustrating sometimes. I feel like people either feel sorry for us (please don't... I wouldn't change my kids at all... quirky is AWESOME...  and this difference has a ton of positives too!! I mean, he can READ anything and everything and that's pretty cool, right?)  or think we're nuts for thinking there is something atypical about him.... that if they had a few days with him, they could whip him into shape. (believe me, I would love to see you try!!!)

He is starting a little county preschool group next week in the afternoons. I'm really excited about it because it's taught by someone who works with kids just like him ALL the time and totally gets it. I won't have to explain anything or convince anyone of anything or make any excuses for what he says or does. The sole purpose of the group is facilitate social interactions and play between kids for whom it doesn't necessarily  come naturally... so I feel like for an hour and a half a week, I can sit and breathe and just watch him grow and learn.

I KNOW ultimately he will be fine... he will grow out of some of the really hard stuff....  I AM bracing myself for a couple visits to the principal's office when he hits elementary school because well, I'm trying to be honest with myself about his strong will. LOL.  But he WILL be fine. Just need to get through the next year or two and it's not going to be easy.... somedays, I really feel like it's just getting started.

More Snow Coming....

More snow on its way.  Sounds like LOTS of snow too. Big giant sarcastic YAY! for that.

Thankfully, the big event is happening on a day kids are already off school. Just hoping it doesn't carry over into Wednesday. Jonathan hasn't been to school in over a week.... he really, REALLY needs school. :( (probably even more so than I need him to GO to school)

We are getting out of the house today and heading to Port Discovery. The boys will be excited when they wake up. Ben has been asking for two days for us to do "something fun." ;)

First Ever....

Excuse the extended absence. For once, it's not due to laziness! ;)

So Wednesday afternoon, Jonathan had fallen asleep in the car while we were driving around town from our errands and on the way to get Ben and Simon at school. As we pulled into the school I saw him squirm and wince... a second later he started screaming and clutching his tummy.

He had been having tummy issues on and off for nine days and six days into it, seemed to get the stomach virus the other two boys had gotten, then continued with on and off tummy stuff for a couple more days. I didn't think much of any of it because in between, he was completely normal, eating, drinking, no fever, running around like crazy.  He was home from school that day because he had been having another round tummy problems all morning. He had been okay otherwise though and had, in fact, accompanied me to the library while I worked a shift and then to the Bagel shop, where he had a little bit of lunch and played while I met with his Infants and Toddlers teacher. I had no reason to think anything was seriously wrong.

... but something about the way he was crying and couldn't get comfortable at that point was alarming....and also I noticed his belly was HUGE and hard. I got Ben and Simon from school as quickly as I could (thanks to Mrs. Terry for grabbing them a few minute early for me) and ran home, where I thought I'd settle him in on the couch.... thinking *maybe* the Clif Bar he had had in the car before he fell asleep had just set off some gas in his already aggravated tummy and that maybe laying down flat would help.

It didn't take long to see that it wasn't helping.... I don't think I had even gotten his coat and shoes off.  Thankfully, the pediatrician's office has walk-in hours from 4:30-6:30 on weekdays, so I decided to run him over there. I gathered up the older boys (who were amazing troopers and didn't complain once even though they had just gotten home from school) called Tom and asked him to meet me there for two reasons -- 1) Ben had basketball at 7, so I thought he could come get Ben and Simon and take care of dinner and homework so Ben would be ready.... 2) I thought there was a remote chance we would get sent to the ER just to be safe and I knew I'd need backup, at the very least, for the older boys.

I prayed the whole way over that the on-call doc was our pediatrician.... it almost NEVER is after regular hours, it seems. But God was listening and when we checked in and they said Dr. B (our ped) would see us in a minute, I almost cried from relief. The other docs are great, but it's just easier when it's your own doctor who knows your child and their history.  I had also just talked to him that morning about Jonathan's continuing tummy issues, so he was already up to date.

Tom showed up just as the doc came in, and the decision to call him turned out to be the right one, as the doctor looked at J and his rock hard, distended belly for all of two minutes before telling us (to his credit, very calmly) we needed to take him to the ER -- and not just any ER, one that was unfamiliar and much further away than the usual ones we rush to.... I wasn't thrilled about this, but he said when there are questionable abdominal problems going on, he prefers this particular hospital because they have gastro surgeons and pediatricians on site 24/7.

So off we went.... Tom dropped Jonathan and I off and sped home with the big boys so Ben could go to basketball with Pap and Simon could stay at the house with my mom.

In the lobby while we checked in, Jonathan seemed to be feeling better. He was dancing and running around. I started to think we wouldn't be there very long...

Initially, it was actually the most efficient ER experience we've had to date with any of the kids. It was about 5:30 at this point and we were called back to a room within minutes. He was seen by the nurse relatively quickly, then the ER doctor. They pushed on his belly and put in an iv for fluids in case he was dehydrated and also so they could take some blood. He went for an x-ray and they saw a ton of air stuck in his belly. After that, there was lots of sitting around.... they wanted to do a CT scan --  I hadn't yet picked up on what they had zeroed on in at that point, though in hindsight, I'm not sure why. After that, time slowed down because he had to drink some contrast stuff for the scan and we had to wait for it to take effect.  In my head I kept changing the time I thought they'd let us go. At first it was by 8:30.... then they wanted to put a tube down his nose into his belly to relieve some of the pressure... that didn't go wonderfully well. Then there was the contrast dye and waiting for that... and then the scan.... so I thought maybe 10:30....  we entertained him with our phones and computer and a DS. Every so often his belly would hurt again and he'd cry and roll around on the bed and he had a couple of yucky tummy issues in there.  The doctors who came in and out prepared us for the very likely possibility he'd be admitted.

We listened to the families come and go on the other side of the curtain. One kid had a bad case of flu.... another a stomach virus.... another case of flu and finally a little girl with a UTI.  Poor kids. :(

Finally they did the CT scan.... an hour later the surgeons came in and told us they found mild inflammation in his appendix, though his blood counts were all good, which is generally NOT the case with appendicitis. Did NOT see that coming. I don't know why that possibility didn't occur to me, but for whatever reason, it hadn't. They said they'd be admitting us. Tom left around midnight to relieve my mom.  Jonathan finally fell asleep. Another hour and a half passed before they took him up to the children's hospital.

When we got up to the room, J was still asleep and stayed asleep.

I had to answer a bunch of questions for the nurses (one of whom turned out to be an old friend  of  a friend I hadn't seen in YEARS!!!! Small world!) It was 2a.m., and I was exhausted, but they told me to stay up because the pediatric residents would be in to take some history. For what seemed like the 500th time, I told the whole story of J's tummy stuff from January 6th to present.

So the deal was that they found his appendix to be larger than normal. But they weren't sure if it was just the normal size of his appendix or if was the beginning of appendicitis, or possible just the way it looked on the CT scan because his whole belly was full of gas. They had decided to take a conservative watch and wait approach, with the idea that, if it were appendicitis, it would make itself known within 48 hours. If he improved, then it most likely wasn't... if he started getting worse, they would operate to remove it.

Talk about nerve-wracking.

The poor kid was asked about four million times over the next day and half if his belly hurt and where. There was a revolving door of doctors and nurses and medical students who would come in and push on it. Bless his heart, he was amazingly tolerant of all this. The only thing he really wasn't so cooperative for through the whole entire ordeal was the tube in his nose in the ER. (he yelled "Take it out! Take it out! I can't sniff!!!" the entire time and as soon as his hand wriggled free from the nurse, he yanked it out)

Anyway, so we hung out the next day.... watched a lot of tv, played alot of iPhone apps and Minecraft.

Aunt Sarah dropped by with cousin A very briefly (which terrified me because the floor was PACKED with kids who had the flu and Aunt Sarah is about to pop out a new baby like literally any minute now)  and dropped off a cute little gift of a stuffed doggie and a book. (which J appreciated later when he wasn't feeling so yucky) and a bag arrived from the gift shop from his friend Brady. The balloons attached offered LOTS of good entertainment the next day.  We couldn't really leave the room  -- because he had diarrhea, they considered him a potentially infectious risk. Eventually, they did let us wander up and down the hall, but he wasn't allowed to touch anything.

They didn't let him have anything to eat or drink for what seemed like forever, both to let his belly rest and in case they needed to operate.  He was okay with this until late afternoon of the first day (he had iv fluids that helped with that, I think) , then he started saying he was thirsty and hungry and started begging for pancakes. They started him with clear fluids and eventually let him have pancakes that night, which he WOLFED down in minutes.

Unfortunately, he landed himself back on a liquid diet shortly thereafter, because his belly pain came back. (probably because he ate three pancakes in the span of ten minutes) At one point, he really freaked everyone out because he said it only hurt on the right side. I thought for sure at that point we were headed to surgery. BUT, when the docs pushed on it, he didn't wince, so they decided it was probably still just localized gas pain and continued to watch and wait.... it wasn't long after that that he finally said it didn't hurt anywhere anymore... first time in days and days.

Things continued to improve and they unhooked the iv, so he could at least get out of bed.

The next day, keeping him there became much more difficult. He just wanted to get the heck OUT of that place.

He boxed some balloons...

We took a lot of walks down the hall to see the elevator and the "fishtank" (which was a live feed from the Baltimore aquarium on a giant tv) 

Finally, around 2p.m. on Friday, they discharged him. The only catch was we had to visit our pediatrician first thing Saturday morning to have his belly checked one more time. (and maybe again Monday depending on how he looked.... gah. But better safe than sorry, i guess!)

I am happy to report that all is well today. The general consensus is that he had a really bad gastrointestinal bug that just had so much of his insides inflamed and puffed up, that the appendix looked inflamed too. Truthfully, I think it was a totally separate bug from the one that made him throw up Saturday and that hit the other two boys... it was just WAY too different. In fact, I am leaning toward thinking he picked it up at swimming lessons the Saturday before the 6th. I remember he ingested a TON of pool water that day and who knows what was in that... and also, the changing room we were in that day had smelled  a little "off", like someone had gotten sick in there. I remember cringing and actually wondering if J or Simon would come down with anything in the days following. Forgot about it until all this hospital craziness.   

We are supposed to take him back right away if he spikes a fever or gets sick again or anything weird changes. But all seems well, thank goodness. He is totally back to normal in all respects.

WHEW. 

So that was our first kid out of three to ever have a hospital stay. Can't say it was fun, but it was a GOOD experience. The children's hospital was amazing and I've said it would absolutely be my hospital of choice if we ever have to rush one of them to the ER again for anything other than stitches.  (Let's face it, with three kids, boys especially, the likelihood of more ER visits is high... LOL) Everyone we met was just so kind. Glad it worked out as well as it did, all things considered. 

Not anxious to repeat the experience though! 

Quarantine....

After spending the day on the couch sleeping and watching tv, Ben seemed okay when he went to bed. May or may not go to school today. He meets the criteria for being allowed to go... but we'll see how his energy is when he gets up. The good thing is that if he stays home, he can both rest and help me wrangle Jonathan during his preschool conference today.  I have to take him because, since we've been sick there is NO one who wants to take the risk of watching him. I didn't even bother asking.  LOL.

I hope this is the end of it. I really do. I've lysol wiped and bleached and scrubbed. As far as stomach bugs go, it was mild... just super sudden.

So hopefully, we can move on with our lives after today. Though I hear there may be more snow coming Wednesday. This winter is going to make me insane!

Child #2 Down....

The stomach virus claimed Ben in the middle of the night. Didn't see that coming at ALL. He was bouncing off the walls all day yesterday and ate like a horse. I was more worried about the sniffly nose he had when he went to bed.

ARGH.

This means his almost two-year perfect attendance streak will end today. Oh well.... he'll be happy about that. He says it was a lot of pressure. LOL!

At least this is a super quick one. Just like Jonathan, he was only sick once and slept all night after that.

Still not sure if it's the same thing Simon already had. I guess we'll find out soon. Seems the incubation period is only 24 hours or so.

Fun times!

Lots of carpet cleaning to do today....

It Was Only a Matter of Time....

Stomach virus 2014 is upon us.

Simon had a version of it last week and missed a day of school... but there was no throwing up involved. Just an eight hour fever and some yuckiness. He missed the next day of school since he had run a fever less than 24 hours before.

Thought we were in the clear since no one else showed any signs of any problem. Until yesterday.... Jonathan had a nasty blowout situation in the early evening, after being fine all day. I bathed him, put him in a diaper (to help with cleanup if it happened again), got him in his jammies and put him to bed.  At 10:30, we woke up to crying and I just KNEW. Went in to find him standing up in his bed surrounding by grossness.

Another bath, more cleanup....set up the air mattress in our room. He was actually okay all night, but I got no sleep because I woke up at every movement waiting for more puking. This morning he is quiet and lethargic but keeping everything down and doesn't have a fever.... so I guess that's good.

I am so ridiculously tired.  (yawn)

Again?!

Woke up to ice pellets and yet another school delay, which means the preschool is closed. I feel like Jonathan hasn't gone to school at ALL this month.... and he really REALLY needs it. (and so do I!)

Hating winter right now!

The Last Few Days....

Well, it's cold. Like really cold. It's 43 in Alaska today and 3 here. THREE. That some kinda special right there.  I'm starting my "move to one of the Carolinas" bank account today. 

Let's see.... what's been happening?  The kids finally went back to school last Thursday only to have off on Friday because it snowed. Again. The kids were delighted, of course. Ben has become my snow bunny and was in and out all day Friday and Saturday playing in it. Simon went out once too and sledded a little bit er... tried to. It really wasn't sledding snow. 

The little boys had swimming on Saturday. Jonathan has not really taken to this new teacher and so I've been having to get in and basically teach the lesson alongside her. The good news is that he does great. He even knows how to sit-dive now, which is hilarious to watch. He's still nowhere near self-sufficient in the water, but he's still fearless about it, which is the best first step!

Simon is improving. He really has a very hard time coordinating all the arm and leg movements. (he 's always been sort of awkward int he water, but has regressed a TON since starting with the new teacher... )  But he finally managed to really get a decent freestyle going on Saturday and made it the length of the pool. 

I was on a waitlist for another teacher and the little boys will start with her in March. I think she'll be a better fit for Simon, at least. Ben will stay with our current teacher who is really actually EXCELLENT for him. He has made HUGE progress in his form since starting to swim with her. So it's all personality and fit. She's a great teacher, just not the best for Simon or Jonathan. 

Anyway.... with the new year came some changes in our chore charts around here. Ben learned how to do his own laundry on Saturday! He was actually really excited about and it turns out, he's REALLY good at folding! He was proud of himself. :)

He has also been dabbling in cooking. He has made himself tacos a bunch of times. Says he wants to learn how to make pancakes and pasta now. I love it! I told him if he gets good enough at the tacos, he can invite his grandparents over and cook them dinner all by himself. :)

We changed our screen time policy with the new year too. The older boys now how to pay us 60 cents an hour for screentime and they have timecards they have to fill out. Trying to encourage them to limit it on their own and also make some decisions about how to responsibly spend and manage their money. 

School was in yesterday (thank goodness!) and I thought life would get back to some semblance of normal. When Simon left in the morning, he had a little bit of a headache, which isn't all that unusual... he gets sinus headaches with allergies and I also think he needs glasses. (adding that to the to-do list) He was in a great mood and felt fine otherwise, so I gave him some Motrin and he went to school. When I picked him up, he was pale and quiet. I asked if he was okay and he said he had had a headache all day and it was worse. He also randomly mentioned on the way to the car that he had been cold all day. By the time we pulled into the driveway (three minutes later) he was half asleep. He went right inside and up to bed and fell asleep. Temp was 100. Ugh. He woke up an hour or so later and said he felt a little better, but didn't eat dinner. Went back to bed when everyone else did and slept all night without incident.  Turns out it was a mild stomach bug. He is fever free and just laying around now. 

In other news, Ben came home with this yesterday and it made me laugh. ;) 

And in still other news, Jonathan is having an issue with another little boy at preschool because they are both obsessed with the same song (Gentleman.... the newest song by the Gangnam Style guy) and it greatly annoys J that his friend sings the words "wrong". Keep in mind, the words are in Korean, so neither one of them is likely singing it "right". In Jonathan's mind though, this is a perfectly acceptable reason to push and shove and yell at his friend. He otherwise has no beef with this little guy or anyone else in his class... it's all about this song they share a mutual love for. LOL!  Lovely. Sooooo we're working on that this week....  thank GOODNESS the mom is a friend of mine and isn't flipping out about it. I'm also thankful J hasn't resorted to biting his friend over this issue, as he does with Ben when he disagrees with him. 

It's always something!

Oh and I threw boiling water in the air this morning and watched it evaporate. Video later.  LOL! 

2014!

New Year's has now come and gone....  we didn't do anything exciting this year, not that we really ever do for New Year's anyway. But it was particularly uneventful this year. Honestly, I think we were all still kind of tired from the chaos and whirlwind of Christmas.

For New Year's eve, I took the boys to the grocery store and they each picked a frozen appetizer. Ben went with wings, Simon with bagel bites and Jonathan was spanakopita. I made a few more things and we ended up having way too much food for the five of us, so much so, that we didn't even get to Simon's Bagel Bites. LOL. Tom and I watched a little of the Ryan Seacrest thing while the boys floated in and out of the room...  we felt old.  Thank goodness the top 30 countdown of women in music had SOME people we knew.  We toasted with sparkling grape juice at 7. 

Jonathan went to bed first around 8:30, Simon shortly thereafter... Ben lasted until about 10 with us, though he probably would have happily stayed up until midnight, but Tom and I just weren't going to make it. 

Again, we felt old. 

New Year's day -- I was determined we would have a REAL dinner on New Year's this year. THe usual host of the traditional holiday dinners on one side of our family seems to have up and quit on us over the last few years, which is sudden and a mystery to all of us, but anyway... I'm tired of letting holidays go by without real dinners.  I was too overwhelmed this year to host this dinner for EVERYONE, but maybe next year. This year, it was just the five of us and the good luck foods. I made a ham with raisin sauce, collard greens, black-eyed peas and we also had garlic mashed potatoes and yummy rolls. I worked on it all day and the house smelled like my grandmother's, which made me smile. :)  Once again, I felt old, but in a good way. :)  I joke with Tom that when I make these big elaborate dinners, I actually feel like an adult. (whereas, half the time, I feel like I"m faking the adult thing... when does that stop?) 

It all turned out perfectly and delicious! I was proud of the big boys who tried everything, even if they didn't ultimately like the collard greens and Ben didn't like the peas. 

Don't ask about Jonathan, he lives on Cinnamon Spice oatmeal these days.  He's going through a ridiculously picky stage that I'm just waiting out. 

Other than that, the boys played and played all day....  happy to have nothing else to do. 

Today it's back to school, but possibly only for one day before snow hits and we're off for Friday and the weekend. I'm anxious to get moving into January and toward spring!