Today, despite the fact that I was in charge of the offspring, I managed to be productive. While said offspring was napping, I scrubbed the siding out back, washed the windows and (get this) cut back what had grown to be the World's Largest Bush. I'm sure the neighbors had a nice laugh while I stood on the heat pump to reach the branches of the World's Largest Bush. After three years of neglect, the World's Largest Bush had grown up and over the privacy fence, thus earning it its title. After collecting a satisfyingly large pile of clippings for the golfing husband to deal with later, I moved on...
Ben woke up and we went to get a hanging plant for the backyard and I came home and mulched... WITH the baby. He played happily in his baby jail for about 20 minutes then I had to resort to holding him WHILE attempting to spread mulch. I am woman, hear me roar.
Oh... and while I was mulching, I overheard my next door neighbor, who I have dubbed "Frat Boy" talking to his friend, who I have dubbed "Frat Boy's Friend"
Frat Boy: Dude, I really need to get my MOM to come over and do some gardening...
Frat Boy's Friend: Yeah dude.
Good lord.
Why did the nice friendly lesbian policewoman have to move out? She was great. Kept her house nice. Hardly ever home. Very quiet when she was. When we sell this house, I think we owe it to the neighbors to at least screen the potential buyers to weed out ex-frat boys. Does that violate the equal housing opportunity thingy? But when that time comes, I guess I'll figure frat-boy cash is just as good as anyone else's. Heh.
Next... OH. The paint lady showed up. Well, first she called.
"I'm lost," she says. (I'm SO not surprised)
I give her more landmark directions and a few minutes later, while feeding Ben, I see her grab the paint off the porch and head back to her car. THEN there's a knock at the door... I take Ben, covered in greenbeans, out of his highchair and answer the door.
"I've just had a big accident," she says. "One of the cans of paint... I spilled it all over the street. Do you have any newspaper?
Are you KIDDING me? I look outside and there is a HUGE, oozing pile of white primer ALL OVER THE PARKING LOT in front of our house. I give her today's paper and shut the door. THEN she needed trash bags, THEN she needed to wash her hands...
All this time Ben is having a freak out because he thought he was going to get to go outside.
WHAT A FLAKE. Next time, the paint gets hidden in lawn bags and thrown out with the rest of the garbage.
Tom is home now. Ben is pissy. I'm thinking about going out for awhile to the store or something because I'm feeling like I can't say anything nice and therefore, probably shouldn't say anything at all.