Just something I've been wanting to write about for awhile, but needed the time to devote to a long-winded post...
A few years ago, when Ben was just a wee challenging little thing, I took a quiz in a book called The Toddler Whisperer that said he fell into the category of "Spirited."(if you want to read the description, click
here. There were three other types too, I think and I'll dig up that old post and link to them later since I know some might find them interesting.). Anyway, back in the days before we were all politically correct and worried about self esteem and whatnot, you would have used something more like "a handful" to describe my oldest child. At any rate...
...a quick overview for those who haven't been following along here since forever...
When Ben was an infant, he'd have random inconsolable crying fits, colic, they said. He hated his bottle and would only take it under certain circumstances. He was NOT at all flexible about his napping and if we didn't get him to his crib when he was tired, there was hell to pay.
As an older baby, he'd sometimes wake up from a nap screaming and we'd have to "reboot" him. If he was too hot/too cold, he'd freak out. If something smelled strange, he'd lose it. (I once made the mistake of taking him into Yankee Candle with me when he was about Simon's age.... ohmahgah). He screamed through pretty much every doctor's appointment until he was nearly 2-1/2 and to this day, if he walks into a situation and senses anything he is remotely uncomfortable with, we're usually in trouble. He has also ALWAYS had eating issues... hates certain textures, is almost AFRAID of something tasting bad or smelling bad. I have always thought he tasted/smelled more intensely than the average person, mostly because he does a lot of things more intensely than the average person. When he was overstimulated, he'd lose it... we had a hard time at restaurants and family parties for awhile there, especially if it was close to naptime/bedtime... loud noises/crowds seemed to really get him going.
As a preschooler, he's picky about his clothes, though what he's picky about changes from season to season. Right now, he's really into turtlenecks because he likes how they feel tight around him. He won't wear shirts that have sleeves that are loose because he says they are uncomfortable. He prefers jeans to khakis, long sleeves to short sleeves, socks to no socks (he NEVER goes without socks, except at gymnastics because it's required and he HATES it).
He's still weird about smells and certain situations. The dentist was a no-go (again) the other day because "it smells weird in here" There was just no reasoning with him. And you may remember my posts about the nearly ill-fated flu mist appointment.
He's still picky about what he eats, although that seems be improving a bit. But he still has issues with textures. Every single time he has tried mashed potatoes (even though he says he likes the way they taste), he throws them up. At the table. Yes, it's lovely. Don't you want to have us over for Thanksgiving?
Now you MAY be thinking, "Just MAKE him do things." or that I'm letting him get away with all this pickiness or letting him call the shots. Simply not true. And unless you have a kid who is like this, you probably can't understand why it's impossible to make him do anything he has decided he isn't ready to do/bothers him. Eventually, he'll come to a decision that he's ready to do something and will be perfectly agreeable about it. Case in point, the flu mist and I'm sure, eventually the dentist again. It requires a lot of work/talk/desensitization on my part... but we get there.
He is also HIGHLY energetic, to the point where you might label him hyperactive. We have some ADHD in the family (actually diagnosed cases, not just people claiming that's what they are), so that's a distinct possibility. But not something we'll probably really investigate until he gets to elementary school. His preschool teachers assure me he is perfectly able to sit still and pay attention, unlike other children they have seen who actually are diagnosed with ADHD... so there is hope that maybe it's not there or that it's relatively mild.
He is also VERY up and down... there is not much "in between" with him. He can go from happy to hysterical in seconds. Odd things can set him off. Over the years, I have learned the triggers and can avoid them most of the time. It was a long LONG learning process though and I am still figuring him out.
Intensity... I mentioned it before, but it pretty much defines Ben. He's intense about EVERYTHING. Eating, sleeping, playing, his interests. I'd like to believe this will serve him well as an adult, though he may end up with high blood pressure. ;)
What's all this mean? Well, in short, he's a handful. But he's also really really cool. If you can ever get him to sit still long enough to talk to you about something he's interested in, you'll be amused. He's smart as a whip, doesn't miss a thing and has lots of opinions. It's the getting him to sit still that is tricky.
I have a book that I pick up often when I'm having exceptionally difficult periods with him. It's called "Raising Your Spirited Child" and it's full of tips and tricks and examples and techniques. I'm always amused by how much of what they suggest though I've figured out on my own, just through trial and error.
Some examples:
-Transitions. Ben needs help with them... he needs LOTS of lead time and LOTS of preparation. When he is given this respect, he generally goes from one thing to another without complaint. But if I ever catch him off guard, it's just not pretty.
- Activities. There are certain things that turn him into a really calm and easy kid while he's doing them. And, they do not involve sedatives! ;) Most things are tactile -- like the rice box we have (just a box filled with rice, little trucks and cups), he'll play with for a VERY long time at a sitting, playdough, cooking, any kind of water play... when he was Simon's age, I'd often put him in the bathtub in the middle of the day just to calm him down. Almost ALL of those are listed in the book! So yeah, I patted myself on the back a little when I read them. LOL... just good to know I am on the right track.
- Run, Jump, Climb! THIS is why my child is in gymnastics. Like most kids his age, he needs time to just RUN during the day... but I honestly think he needs it more than a lot of kids. We HAVE to get outside each day, or somewhere where he can just go nuts or things start to get out of hand. I'm working right now to set the playroom up so that's possible all year long. It'll be fun for Simon too as he gets older, but Ben NEEDS it.
So yeah, it's just who he is and we're trying to embrace it and foster the positive aspects of it, while teaching him to learn to control the negatives. (but isn't that what we are ALL doing as parents?) I had a lot of this when I was a kid, minus the hyperactivity... so I understand a lot of his strange fears/likes/dislikes. I remember making my mom turn the car around one day before school because I didn't like the way my shirt "bubbled out" around the collar. (yeah, don't ask) I also was afraid of getting my hair cut and getting my feet measured for shoes for quite awhile, so I can't really fault Ben for making my life hard that way, even when it is ridiculously frustrating.
Anyway, I write this because I know I'm not alone... feel free to add your own stories to the comments section... and if you have any other fun tips/tricks/advice, don't hesitate to share that either.
(also proof that in very bright daylight, I still can't seem to get a handle on my white balance... even on auto settings...sigh)
