First Day of Middle School....

Tuesday, Ben FINALLY started school.  First day of sixth grade... first day of middle school.

He was nervous. Even though he is in the same school as last year, the middle school is different. They have different classrooms and teachers and there are lots of expectations and LOTS to keep track of.

Check out this schedule!

Every single day is different... and then it changes every other week. It's a lot to remember. I hope he can get in a good routine with it all or he will never have what he needs! This is where I am thankful he is in such a small school and where I feared he would really get lost in the shuffle in the bigger school most of his JES friends went to.

The first day, he came home overwhelmed and not so happy. He said middle school was super serious and he was afraid he was going to forget things. The second day was better. He LOVES math and English, so far. I also think he's going to end up loving Tech and Life Science. And, while he thinks Ancient Civilizations is going to be boring, I have been getting emails from his teacher that suggest otherwise. He is the only teacher to send emails out so far and they are SO funny. Seems like he is really going to make an effort to make it fun and engaging for the kids.

He's still thinking about whether he wants to join the Math Club (which is run by the teacher mentioned above!). I hope he does it. Most of his friends were also invited, and I think he'll really enjoy it.

Anyway, so far, so good. He has forgotten his lunch box once, and a history homework... and there is a snafu with his gym uniform and he left his tennis shoes at school on Thursday...  LOL... but all in all, I'm optimistic for a good year. ;)

First Week of Kindergarten... Second Week of Third Grade...Middle School orientation....

Well, it's Friday.

It took Jonathan until Thursday to try to escape kindergarten. Thankfully, it was a half-hearted attempt, he turned around on the way through the doors and tried to run for me. I blocked though and a kindergarten assistant who was standing there ran interference and he walked with her to class. The rest of the day went well, I guess, because I never heard otherwise.

He has had all of his specials at this point, since Monday is just his extra Phys. Ed day. He has liked them all so far. (I'll hear about music when he gets home) ;)

Here he is with his first ever library checkout!  Mrs. Terry said he was good in library on Wednesday, a little silly here and there because he is really comfortable with her, but good. He even helped a non-English speaking classmate walk to the bathroom!

He says the day is long (and it is), but it must be filled with enough to keep him occupied because his complaints aren't constant.

I got roped into room mom duty for the first time ever in my entire kids-in-school history. A preschool mom friend asked if I would do it with her. I told her I would if no one else stepped up.... apparently no one did. So, this will be new and interesting! LOL.

Simon had a good second week. They launched headlong into multiplication in math and he seems to be doing ok with that. Handwriting has regressed a ton and all of his work is a mess again/still...  so I guess we'll be working on that at home a lot. School in general, is still not his favorite (especially since they are not currently doing a science unit and he loves science), but he goes without complaint for the most part and seems to enjoy having so many friends in his class this year. 

I really like the whole third grade team, even the teacher I wasn't thrilled he got seems ok for now. 

I guess we'll see how things progress and how conferences go... but for now, all is well in school land.

Ben had his middle school orientation yesterday and is already overwhelmed by all the class changing and things to remember. THIS will for sure be an interesting transition. He got his schedule and he is taking pre-algebra... which means I am officially out of the math homework helping game with him. Gah.  Pre-algebra, which I'm pretty sure I did not take until 7th grade, was when things really went south for me, math-wise. He must have a better math head on his shoulders than I did though because I got an email that his standardized test scores from spring were high enough to qualify him for the math competition club. He is considering it... I hope he does it! :)

Anyway... so things seem to be off to a good start! I hope it's a great year for all three!

First (1/2) Day of Kindergarten!

The first day of Kindergarten was yesterday! And..... it went well! Jonathan actually loved it! I hope he feels the same when it's a full day and he goes the entire week. LOL.

He came home and was already recreating things they did in class, which was hilarious. (he was creating imaginary groups -- "People who like candy, come sit over here....and people who DON'T like candy, go sit over there..." I think that's a true sign he's into it!

Before school with his preschool friend, Lillian. They started in 2s together, so I'm thrilled they are in the same class! 

Dismissal! Please notice Ben off to the side.... doesn't start until NEXT MONDAY. Sigh. He is so bored....

Big thumbs up for the first day!

First Day of Third Grade....

Simon was the only one to start school yesterday...  he was a pretty good sport about it too. He had a great day and said he loved "Everything!"

Congratulations to my new third grader!

First day of second - 2014

First day of 3rd - 2015

Peek at Your Seat 2015!

Took Simon and Jonathan to peek at their seats today and meet their teachers. I'm excited for an amazing year for both of them as I know I love both of their teachers. Simon does have a different teacher for social studies/science that I'm not as thrilled with, but glad it's just that one class and that it's not reading or math.

Simon was first. His seat is right next to the horseshoe crab aquarium. LOL. He was enamored with it!

Moving on to kindergarten.... Jonathan was totally into Mrs. B's globe....

We found his cubby!

Colored a picture and wrote his name....

... and posed for a picture with his teacher. :)

I still think he has NO idea what he's in for... but he will soon! LOL!

Last Day of Second Grade!

The last of them is finally free from school! :)

Last Day of Fifth Grade….

Ben's last day of school was Friday. It was anti-climactic. They got out at like 10:30. LOL.

He's excited to be free earlier than everyone else, though I'm not sure why. With Jonathan still at camp for another week and Simon still in school for two more, there's really not much we can do.

I really can't get over how quickly elementary school flew by. :(

Blue shirt picture is the first day of fifth grade, red shirt is the last day.

Last pic is his first day of kindergarten. (cry)

I asked him to rate his fifth grade year on a scale of 1-10, 1 being awful, 10 being perfect. He said "From the time I switched schools to now, I'd give it  a 9.5, before that, I'd give it a 5.5." LOL.

I'm glad we made the move. It's nice to know he's staying where he is next year rather than starting at a huge middle school. We definitely made the right choice for him. I'm not sure what the future holds school-wise after 8th grade for him or what it holds for the other two as they head to middle school, but for Ben, right now, this was the right decision. He has made some nice friends and is getting more involved next year. He plans on playing basketball and tennis, neither of which he would have been able to do at the school level if we hadn't moved him. I think this will be fantastic for him.

He finished the year, I think, with four As and two Bs. (the report card gets mailed in a week or two, but that's what the online gradebook says) Overall, a successful year with lots of growth and maturing.

Onward to middle school! (!!!!???!!!)

It's Amazing What the Right Help Can Do!

I was in the library a couple days ago with Simon's class and his teacher came to get them and saw me there. She came running up, "Mrs. Graff, I have to show you this!!! I just printed these!" In her hand she had the latest S.T.A.R. reading test scores for her class. (From what I can gather, this is an assessment they do at the beginning and end of the year.)

She flipped to a page and excitedly showed me a line of numbers. I stared at them but had no clue what I was looking at.   "This is where he started in September….." she said, pointing to the first number. "And THIS is where he tested now…." she pointed to another number.

"That's a HUGE leap." she explained. (although it was obvious that was the case without the explanation. LOL. )

Wow!

After she left, the librarian explained to me that that really was a pretty big deal. She said if I had noticed any of the other kids' scores on the page, (I purposely had not looked at the ones visible and the teacher had most covered up anyway) I would have seen that most kids started out on a level closer to where S is now and may have moved a LITTLE, but nowhere near the leap Simon made. It means he caught up this year!

He has had two years of consistent and big academic strides. Hoping to continue this into third grade, which I know from experience is quite the change from K-2. The foundation is definitely in place and he's where he needs to be. He has worked so hard and so have his teachers! They have been the best. :)
The combination of efforts has definitely paid off! :)

Kindergarten Roundup -- Round 3….

Today was Jonathan's kindergarten registration appointment. They assigned him 1:20, and I was a little concerned about getting out in time for Ben's pickup. (if they were running behind, I would have been in trouble). The administrative receptionist had helped me out by getting all the paperwork done on Friday so all that needed to be done today was his academic screening.

Normally, they keep the parents busy with the paperwork and the nurse, so you have a hard time hearing what your kid is doing with the K teachers. But, seeing as how they had no paperwork to keep me occupied, I got to watch the whole thing.

OMG.

I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.

He sat right down with the teacher and immediately launched into a diatribe about how he has  "two brothers, Ben and Simon. One is 11 and one is 7. One goes to St. James, one goes here." The teacher didn't get a word in edgewise for a good solid minute and a half.

Then the screening started and he answered all her questions and then expounded upon those answers. He called a triangle a trapezoid, but then corrected himself and explained that a trapezoid "actually has four sides… oops!" She had to stop him during the counting test because he accidentally skipped 44. He had backtracked and fixed it, but the rule is they have to stop them when they mess up. He didn't care. He just kept counting. I thought the two teachers doing the screenings were going to pee their pants laughing. She finally managed to get him to stop and moved on to letters, letter sounds, shapes, colors, and sight words. Then he wrote his name, which he explained he wrote in "all capital letters because that's what I know how to do."

Suffice to say, he did um… quite well on the screening. Whether that will translate to a successful year in kindergarten, who knows? All my kids have done well on the screening with mixed results their kindergarten year. Ben soared, Simon floundered. So many things factor into success in school, not just prior knowledge coming in.  I just hope and pray more than anything that he is well-behaved.  I also hope he doesn't struggle with writing the way SImon has. That has been so hard for him. :( We shall see.

Anyway… it was a fun, entertaining experience! ;)

Homework Makes Me Sweat….

Simon had this project to do over the weekend. Actually, he had two weeks to do it but I was dreading it so much, I put it off until Sunday… the day before it was due. He had to read a Dr. Seuss book and then write a letter to Dr. Seuss about his favorite character and favorite part of the story. Then he had to draw a picture illustrating his favorite part of the story.

OMG.

Seriously.

It was AWFUL.

The story part was fine. We read "What Was I Scared Of?" the story about the green pants with nobody inside. He said he didn't have a favorite Dr. Seuss book. Neither do I. I kinda can't stand Dr. Seuss, honestly. So we chose Uncle Brandon's favorite. LOL.

The badness began when he had to write the letter. I made it easy by having him dictate everything to me so he could just focus on the handwriting part later. Following the directions for the assignment though (at least three sentences for each question), the letter was REALLY a lot for him to write.

We sat down with "second grade paper" to get started. (Simon definitely needs lines to constrain his other enormous handwriting) THIS was when I realized, there was NO WAY on God's green earth this child was going to fit all this on an 8.5x11 piece of paper.  And it HAD to because the letter then had to be glued to a scrapbook page.

I started him writing. He cried. He whined. He did super crappy work on purpose. I made him start over.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat. x 4

I finally said this was NOT going to work and told him just go in Tom's office and type it.

His face lit up and the bad attitude melted away. "Okay!"

Wait. Seriously?!

He had the entire thing typed up in about 10 minutes and smile on his face, with only minor corrections needed to his punctuation.

He then asked if he could do the drawing part in Paint on the computer. Um YES. Yes, PLEASE. His drawing was minimalist (at best)… but whatever. It would have been if he had used crayons and markers too.  He was just NOT into this.

Slapped it onto scrapbook pages and then saw the last direction on the homework sheet. "Decorate the scrapbook pages." I sent him back to the table with some markers. The result was…. well, it was DONE anyway….

(cry)  Simon is most definitely my most challenging child when it comes to school, homework, and anything related. He just has a million other things he would rather be doing. It's like pulling teeth to make him put forth any effort whatsoever. I'm not sure what to do about this. He's doing fine…. blows through math and spelling worksheets and always says, "That was so easy!"… but they are always SUCH a mess. ARGH. How do you entice a kid to slow down and do his best? To take pride in his work? I used to worry about this with Ben too but even he takes a LITTLE bit of pride and care in how his work looks…. Simon takes not caring to a whole new level….

ARGH.

The one negative of Ben's new school…he has a male teacher.  Male elementary school teachers and men trying to shop at the grocery store on the weekend…. two things that drive me nuts!  (I know, I am so sexist… but seriously…. there are some things women are truly just better at… ) 

Now, let me just say, he seems very nice. Ben likes him and all.  Apparently, he is "fun", as male elementary school teachers tend to be. Fun, fun, lots of FUN! But man, they are uncommunicative and unorganized!!  Yes, admittedly, this is a stereotype, but one I have yet to see defied. 

He doesn't answer emails… EVER. I have given up on that. 

He forgets to put homework in the kids' mailboxes, so Ben will freak out thinking he doesn't have the homework and it will turn out the next day to have just been the teacher's fault. (we've actually just started assuming this when he doesn't have his math, grammar, or science homework) He also loses the kids' work.  Ben has had a couple assignments marked "missing" on Engrade that he definitely turned in. Then? Then there is this --   see all the E's? That means "excused"  Um…. that means they don't count toward or against his grade. However, these are ALL quizzes and homeworks Ben was there for and did. (trust me, some of those fraction worksheets took him over an hour and lots of tears… I KNOW he did them)

WTH? Did the teacher lose them? Why are they excused? Is he just using these as place-markers and will come back later and put the grades in? I will never know (well, at least not until report cards come out) because he DOESN'T ANSWER EMAIL.

AAAAAAAARGH!!! Rant over.  It's really a petty complaint, I realize. Ben is doing well and is so happy and this guy is clearly engaging him and a good teacher. From a parent standpoint… just a little frustrating….

Learning Experience….

Today, Ben has his first BIG test since being at his new school.  It's a reading test on the book they just finished, Fever 1793.  The teacher sent home all kinds of studying information… they even had to fill out this super detailed sheet about HOW they were planning on studying.

They have a folder with all their papers from the unit that they have to turn in today with the test. Discovered he was supposed to be doing this in science too… thankfully, I've only tossed a few graded papers. Unfortunately, no one mentioned this folder thing to Ben (or me).   (mid-year start issues again…people assume you know things.) So he only has like maybe 3/4 of the reading papers. Worse, several of them are from before he started, so they aren't completed. I'm a little irritated that this wasn't something anyone bothered to tell us (to keep everything in this folder) and the incomplete papers would have taken him hours and hours to finish, so I didn't make him do them. :\  He'll probably get marked down substantially but so be it. It wasn't fair to him. I really need to have a conference with his teachers to get on the same page… they are very hard to communicate with via email in that they don't respond… like EVER.  They told me early on that they have issues with mail going to spam, so I never know if they got it and didn't respond or if they never got it. Hence, REALLY need a face-to-face.

Anyway, so they were supposed to study. Ben basically didn't. He had a basketball game last night and the night before, he spent almost two hours on other homework. I tried to get him to at least look over it last night before basketball, but he said he feels confident in the material. I am apt to believe him… he has gotten As on every quiz he has taken so far and hasn't done anything except go to class, do the homework, and read the story. I considered pushing the matter to enforce good habits, but decided to use this as a learning experience. If he aces the test (which he very well might), then great, he knows himself and when he needs to study. If he doesn't, well, then, next time, he'll listen to me.

We made a deal that if he gets a low B or lower, we study together next time.  We shall see!

Team….

I've been to my fair share of school teams over the last two years. Funny enough, I didn't even really know what they were until Ben needed one in third grade. For a little while, I had three kids with them, now I'm down to two since private schools don't do written educational accommodations.

Some people find teams stressful and combative… honestly, I really don't. My kids are pretty squared away and have wonderful supports all around from school personnel who are very familiar with us at this point. I have always felt like we were working together to help my kids. So usually it's a pretty nice discussion and check-in on how the boys are doing academically. I usually enjoy them because it's an opportunity for extra facetime with teachers that you otherwise don't get.  The only one I ever found really stressful was the one I had to go to at a different school to make sure Jonathan kept his Infants and Toddlers services. But all the ones at our elementary school are actually really pleasant, for the most part.

For those who don't know, a team is where you sit around a conference room table, generally with your child's current teacher(s), the assistant principal, the guidance counselor (in most cases), the school psychologist (in most cases), and any other ancillary staff who are involved or should be involved with your child's learning… OT, speech pathologists, special educators….

Yesterday, I had back-to-back teams for Simon and Jonathan. Simon's was simple and straight-forward. He has had an IEP (individualized Educational Plan) in place since last year, so this was just to sign-off on some updates to that. They decreased his special educator time, which is where he gets pulled from the classroom for extra help.  Some people would fight this just to fight it, but we were okay with it since he is doing very well this year and doesn't need it… our chief concern was keeping the plan in place should he need it down the road. There had been some talk a month ago about bumping him down to a 504-Plan, which is no special educator time and only accommodations for learning differences like ADHD -- usually preferential seating, extra time on tests, permission to type assignments… that sort of thing.  We are happy they allowed us to keep the IEP for now because these are more easily enforced. 504-Plans are a bit of a crap-shoot and depend on how much time and effort a teacher wants to put in.

After Simon's, I had Jonathan's, which was also really just an IEP-update, but slightly more complicated. His special educator wanted to up her time working with him at his preschool since we had dropped his county group a little while back.  However, she and I had talked and she wanted to use some of the team time to try to lay the groundwork for adding speech services for pragmatic (conversational) speech before the end of the school year in an effort to allow him to keep his IEP next year in kindergarten.  Otherwise, he will lose it because, long story short, kids whose IEPs are strictly for social reasons, as Jonathan's is, can't keep them once they turn 5. This likely won't be doable, and he'll end up with a 504-Plan, which is what I'm expecting and we're okay with… but it doesn't hurt to try.

His team consisted of the guidance counselor, his special educator, the speech pathologist, the OT, and a kindergarten teacher. The kindergarten teachers are randomly assigned to Pre-K teams and, thinking ahead, I requested the one who knows us. That move worked out well…. we ended up having a very productive and helpful discussion about whether even sending him next year is the right decision.

This particular kindergarten teacher leans toward a pretty solid "no" in general for boys with later birthdays….I've talked with her several times since last year as we've weighed our decision….but by the end of the team, everyone, including her, had decided sending him would be the right move, securing him the services he would need (more than if we held him back), plus his test scores show he is more than ready academically.  The only issue I see is his writing, which is still age appropriate, but the OT said she will be able to keep an eye on and continue to work with him if I send him, but won't be able to if I don't.

OY.  Who knew this would be such a hard decision? It's really nice to have a room full of people to bounce all the pros and cons off of though and help decide what's best.

We go back to in May to lay out kindergarten plans and either rewrite his IEP (unlikely) or transition to a 504. (very likely)

I never realized what a full-time job the school part of having kids could/would be!

Late Again....

Another delay today. Makes for such a short day! Jonathan and I went to the store and then really didn't have time for much else beyond lunch and a little playtime before it was time to get Ben and Simon.

He painted some pictures, I tricked him into writing a little bit, we made a paper airplane and a map. Then he asked me to make him an EliteBook (laptop tablet thing that the county schools all have now) out of paper. I worked on that sucker for 45 minutes. The end result did not please him.  LOL. So we moved on to playing with the snowblower box and making beds.

Off to get Ben. Off to get Simon. Annnnnd that was basically my day.

I bought ingredients for dinner, but now have a case of the "screw-its" and we're having leftover pizza and leftover tacos. I'll cook tomorrow night instead. I have to help Ben study for a vocabulary test and help Simon study for a spelling test. I just don't have time to clean and cut asparagus right now. LOL.

Also? It's cold. Like REALLY cold.

This was our cat lounging all person-like in his sunny spot this morning... LOL. 

And here's what Simon did before school. He jerry-rigged a laser from a board game he got for Christmas onto a laser tag gun to make himself a sight. (is that what those things are called? I don't even know...) It worked perfectly! But then he kept coming back and tweaking it to add features. I love when he gets involved in these little projects... it's when I can really see how his brain works.... he's definitely a builder/inventor/engineer type. I want to sign him up for Camp Invention this summer because I think he would love it. We need a friend though. Any takers?

First Snow Delay of the School Year!

We have 1/8" of snow on the ground currently at 7a.m. Schools have closed and that is a-okay with me! Delays are disruptive and hard to manage around here.

In other news, everyone transitioned back to school nicely yesterday. Poor Simon though... oh man. (I KNEW this was going to happen).... so I reminded him he had cello after school yesterday when I dropped him off.  There were two things working against him remembering this -- 1) He usually has cello BEFORE school... this was a makeup lesson.  and 2) He did not yet HAVE his cello in his possession because the teacher collects them at the end of every quarter, so he wasn't reminded by that.

Anyway, so I went and got Ben from school. Went home, puttered around the house. I had emailed Simon's teacher earlier in the day, though I knew I had waited too long and missed her lunch email-checking window.... I got an email from her around 4p.m. that said, "Uh oh. I didn't get this until now and he headed to the Parent Pickup Line when the bell rang." (3:50)  I replied, "That's okay... I'm sure if he went there and then didn't see me at the door, he remembered."

A few more minutes went by and I thought that perhaps I should call the office and just double check that he figured it out.

My hand was ON THE PHONE when it rang.... and it was school..... the receptionist says, "MRs. Graff? I have Simon here waiting patiently for you!"

(facepalm)  I had her just send him down to the music teacher's room.... poor kid. I felt so badly though that he thought I didn't show up that I really just wanted to go right up and get him. (that was always one of my anxieties as a kid... someone forgetting to pick me up)  I stuck it out. Went up to get him at 4:40 after the lesson and all was fine. He was completely unfazed. So whatever. But SHEESH.

Second First Day of Fifth Grade....

:)

He was a little nervous this morning, but mostly excited! He talked my ear off all the way to school. I walked him in because they had wanted him to get there a few minutes early to get his things situated. They welcomed him with smiles and I left him in good hands. He was SO happy. Can't wait to pick him up today and hear how it went!

Back to School Night....

Back to school night was uneventful.

I went to fifth grade first and they presented as a team, as they do from 3rd on up. Lots going on this year field trip wise and special activity-wise. Philadelphia, Marshy Point, BSO and like two other things.

In the spring they have the big "Your Changing Body" and an HIV/AIDS unit. Ugh. We're pretty open about talking about all that at home, but something about it being presented to 10-11-year-olds at school weirds me out a little.  (probably just that I have a kid old enough to be partaking in such a unit...)

They've changed "GT" to "AA". I guess "Gifted and Talented" was no longer politically correct. Ben's math teacher confirmed for everyone that the "AA" class gets homework on the weekends. (he had homework over Labor Day weekend and was not happy about this. LOL)

Ben has a seriously bad attitude so far about fifth grade in general. There is none of the excitement he had last year. I don't know why this is, but hope it's just him getting back in the swing of things and that it changes soon. I already miss his teachers from last year and I think he does too They were a great bunch and he was almost always excited about what they were learning and came home with stories. This year, not much so far. His best friend also was pulled out to be homeschooled, so I'm sure that is part of it.

Second grade was great. It's just nice to sit at your child's desk in their classroom... to look around at the bulletin boards and book centers and all that. I miss that when they start presenting as a team. I love his teacher. I just think it's going to be a good year all around there. She wants to meet with me next week to go over his IEP and reports and whatnot, so that's great!

He'll learn cursive this year, which he's excited about.

I learned he doesn't switch for math, so stays with his teacher all day. A handful of other kids from other classes come in. I'm relieved he doesn't switch. Consistency is good....

All in all, not much new.... just trying to get everyone in a good routine!

Goodstuff....

We are supposed to meet with school once a year to update the kids' 504/IEPs. Ben's kept getting put off for weather. Anyway, we finally had it today. For those who don't know, these generally last anywhere from 30 minutes - an hour. They've always been in the 45-60 minute range for us. 

Today? 

10 minutes.

The nurse (who is always part of the the team), didn't even make it in before it was over. 

Anyway, so long story short, it was a great meeting... all ten minutes of it. 

Ben's teacher who came (she has him more of the day than the other two teachers so represented everyone) went on and on about what a neat kid he is, how he's so smart and contributes all sorts of interesting things to class discussions. His grades are great, his classwork is great.  "He's an absolute pleasure to have in class!" She said she can't wait to see what he ends up doing in life. LOL. She even tossed out a bunch of his accommodations that are no longer needed. (extra time on tests and dictating work... he never used either of these anyway)

Such a 180 from when we first started with all this at the beginning of last school year.  I'm so proud of him! He went from being a really bright kid, but an underachiever, to taking pride in being smart and doing great work. 

Maturity and medication. They work wonders! ;)

STEM Fair....

Ben has to do a full-on science fair project this year. I am not thrilled about this. He loves science and so do I, but this is beyond the scope of what a fourth grader can do on their own, so we have to help... like a ton... and that's kind of annoying. Not that I don't want to help... but this would go more smoothly a few years from now!

I think we've settled on a pretty straight-forward, if somewhat unoriginal idea involving the efficacy of laundry detergent on removing stains. Our twist is we are asking what the effect of well water is on this.   (if the teacher approves it) I'm actually kind of curious myself....

Simon wishes he could participate. He's gotten quite into science lately with the magnet and electricity units the first grade just did. LOL. Definitely my hands on kid! Although aren't they/we all, kind of? Hands on stuff is way more fun than just learning from a book.

I wish all of school was like science!

What I Wish More People Understood....

We started a long and very educational journey through early intervention a couple of years ago with Jonathan was 16 months old and not really talking or making sounds. It turned out to not be quite as straight forward as late speech and, long story short, for those who don't know, we participated in a study at the Kennedy Krieger Institute over the summer and he tested on the the autism spectrum, which, at that point in the journey, was not a huge surprise.

Now, since then, we've gone back and forth with our Infants and Toddlers team on how accurate that was, because it was only a study and he wasn't all that cooperative for some of it. But, I think what what we've concluded is that he definitely has some atypical behavior and social development and, most likely would test on and off the spectrum depending on the day and who was administering the test. So basically, he straddles the border.

Mostly, I really haven't worried a whole lot about this. First off, a lot of the atypical things are issues we had dealt with before with Ben, (who was never diagnosed with ASD, but looking back, I'm pretty sure he might have been if we had had him tested when he was Jonathan's age... at the very least he is SUPER quirky...LOL)  So it's not much new for us and we have living proof that some things can be learned or grown out of. Plus, we have SO much support with Jonathan that we did not have with Ben in the form of various county services.

Lately though, things have gotten a little more complicated.

Jonathan is his own person, of course....  and ASD is unique in each and every case. There is a phrase that circulates among the autism community that says, "If you have seen one child with autism, you have seen one child with autism."

Ben was challenging in his own ways with tons of perseveration, sensory issues and eating problems.  Social weaknesses, unnoticed before,  surfaced around second grade.  Although Jonathan's issues also include the perseveration on topics of interest, he has a lot more issues with very poor (and seemingly irrational) social reactions in certain situations. There are very specific ways you have to word things and deal with him or things spiral out of control quickly.

School has become a HUGE issue. HUGE. Enormous. Elephant-sized, even.

His behavior lately has been just hugely difficult and embarrassing.  I never thought I'd have the child who hits other kids (for reasons that almost always have to do with his perseveration du jour and the very black and white way he sees the world) and throws toys. I've dealt with separation anxiety freak outs plenty, but his take it to a whole new level. He becomes angry and violent. His teacher told me Friday that he threw toys and pushed chairs and hit her. Eventually he calms down, but in those moments during the meltdown, it's really REALLY awful.  She was pretty nonplussed by it... but I felt awful.

I also can't get him potty-trained, for reasons I can't really quite figure out, but they tell me it's normal and to relax. So I have backed off.

Everywhere I turn people who don't get it at all have unsolicited advice for how to deal with his behavior and my answer is, "You just don't understand.... what works for a typical child will not necessarily work with him." We are still figuring out how to manage him... but suffice to say, traditional methods have failed almost 100% of the time.

It's hard for most people to understand because he is NOT what most people think of when they think about autism spectrum disorder. I am discovering that the vast majority of people (even our pediatrician) do NOT really grasp what it means to be on the very high-functioning end of the spectrum. It looks "normal" in most respects.... and when it does come into play, he often just looks like an undisciplined brat of a child or that I haven't been teaching him simple manners like saying hello back to people. I promise you, he is challenging and defiant at times, but he isn't a brat and we are SO consistent with him and work very hard to teach him the appropriate social behavior that does not come naturally for him.  If you could see him at his best... one-on-one... he is the sweetest, most affectionate, smart, funny little kid.

School is working SO hard with him and I give them all the credit in the world. They are incredibly good to us.  I know they think I'm making more of his issues than I should though... that I worry too much. I just want to fix/improve as much as I can before kindergarten. I also want to spare him at least some of the social issues Ben dealt with. The early intervention teachers keep assuring me it really WORKS-- that he CAN be taught these things... how to make eye contact, how to understand how people are feeling, how to respond appropriately, how to have a conversation, what a friend is.... that other kids are even worth his time and effort. It all just needs to be practiced and taught over and over and over again.

I don't even know where I'm going with this except to say that Jonathan has taught me not to be so quick judge a child or the parents of a child who is behaving inappropriately. Heck, I used to even think, "You can't get your child potty trained by three? You MUST be doing something wrong..."  Yeah... he has taught me a WHOLE lot, and for that I am grateful.

I wish more people knew more about what high-functioning ASD looks like or means.... mostly because there are a LOT of quirky kids out there... it's not always full-on ASD, but yeah, quirky is everywhere. I feel like I do a lot of making excuses for Jonathan or explaining him to people and it's exhausting and frustrating sometimes. I feel like people either feel sorry for us (please don't... I wouldn't change my kids at all... quirky is AWESOME...  and this difference has a ton of positives too!! I mean, he can READ anything and everything and that's pretty cool, right?)  or think we're nuts for thinking there is something atypical about him.... that if they had a few days with him, they could whip him into shape. (believe me, I would love to see you try!!!)

He is starting a little county preschool group next week in the afternoons. I'm really excited about it because it's taught by someone who works with kids just like him ALL the time and totally gets it. I won't have to explain anything or convince anyone of anything or make any excuses for what he says or does. The sole purpose of the group is facilitate social interactions and play between kids for whom it doesn't necessarily  come naturally... so I feel like for an hour and a half a week, I can sit and breathe and just watch him grow and learn.

I KNOW ultimately he will be fine... he will grow out of some of the really hard stuff....  I AM bracing myself for a couple visits to the principal's office when he hits elementary school because well, I'm trying to be honest with myself about his strong will. LOL.  But he WILL be fine. Just need to get through the next year or two and it's not going to be easy.... somedays, I really feel like it's just getting started.