Thoughts...

I have to confess something... I wasn't one of those little girls who always dreamed about getting married and being a mommy. I wasn't into baby dolls and I never had any interest in babysitting. If I had to say I was into anything as a kid it was the following:

- being a writer -- I started countless neighborhood/classroom newspapers and can also remember as early as eight or nine years old, asking my parents to make up businesses for which I could write ads. I even have a drawing from first grade in which I wrote at the bottom that I wanted to be a poet when I grew up.

- starting some kind of business -- I was always wanting to pretend I was running a grocery store/library/bank or trying to organize the neighborhood kids to sell things at the end of our street. Looking back, I think my favorite part was writing and creating all the signs... see above.

- Creating things with my hands. I loved to get my hands dirty... to build and create, though I was never very good at it, mostly due to a lack of planning and my incredible impatience.

- Exploring and going on adventures. I used to pack my backpack and set out on my bike, determined to find things that were new and interesting. Really, I was just going down the street to a nearby field or behind some bushes. I found an indian arrowhead once while digging in a neighbor's backyard and subsequently went through a whole period of wanting to be an archaeologist.

-- just learning everything I could about things like astronomy, archaeology and medicine. (I guess I shouldn't wonder where Ben gets his single-minded obsessiveness from... but really, I was nowhere near as focused as he is) I used to spend hours outside with my telescope and an astronomy book just looking at the stars. My room, at one point, was plastered with 1969 newspapers about the moon landing. For awhile there, I also always had some kind of science experiment brewing in the laundry room, which my mother was amazingly tolerant of.

I wasn't bad at gymnastics and thought for awhile I might be a gymnast... I also went through a brief phase where I thought I could act, sing and play softball and soccer, none of which I was much of a standout in. (but being a firstborn and only child for ten years, I was constantly told I was awesome at everything and I believed it)

Nowhere in there did I ever dream about my future husband or family. I don't know that I could even see myself married... I guess I kind of just figured one day it would just happen (which is kinda how it went). And same for kids... even when Tom and I were dating and we were talking about children, though I enthusiastically said I wanted a couple at some point, I was really only counting on that desire EVENTUALLY kicking in. In reality? The idea of pregnancy and labor scared me half to death and being a mom? I dunno, I never really had given it a whole lot of thought, believe it or not. I LIKED kids enough I guess, I suppose on some level I wanted some of my own... but I'd never really pictured them in my mind or imagined what it would be like to be a mom.

Flash forward eight years and one short-term advertising career later.

Turns out I'm WAY better at being a mom than I was at having any professional career I could have dreamed up for myself. God has a funny way of knowing what you should do with your life, I guess.

I watched my children play in a nearby creek a couple evenings ago with two of their friends... wading in the water, throwing rocks to see who could make the biggest splash, turning rocks over to see what they could find... it reminded me so much of some of the happiest, carefree times of my own childhood and I just couldn't help thinking how much I love that I get to do it all over again as a mom.

We build things together and kick the soccer ball around the yard. And, despite my whining about his obsessions, I have a blast when Ben passes through one that is something I loved as a kid. Which reminds me, I hope he gets back to the astronomy phase eventually because I can't WAIT to get him a telescope and take him out in the backyard to show him the rings on Saturn!

I feel like everything I experienced, learned and enjoyed as a child, was all to prepare me for my ultimate "job". If you had asked me when I was ten what I'd be doing when I was 32, I probably would have told you I'd be an astronomer or a pediatrician. Lofty goals, for sure... especially for a kid who was just getting by in math class.

But, now, in a way, I am both of those things. An astronomer when I am showing my kids the moon and stars from our backyard, a pediatrician when I kiss their boo-boos... I am also a builder (with Legos and bristle blocks), a painter (with washable paints, of course) and a writer, a soccer player, a singer (of Veggie Tales and all the songs on Kids Place Live), an archaeologist (digging in the sandbox) and a hundred other occupations.

As a mom, I am everything I always wanted be and so many things I never thought I'd be! It's not always the greatest job ever, but I often joke that even on the most trying days, I can play with Playdough, and that's pretty awesome. I don't know if I could ever have been a stand out in my non-mom career. And honestly, I don't care or give it any thought. I guess that's how I know I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing with my life... and that's a good feeling.