Ugh. Ben has himself all worked into a tizz lately. This is completely my fault as these are 100% my genes at work, for sure.
So first there was this weird stomach pain he was having all week and part of last week. No sickness... no fever... just "my stomach hurts". It was concerning enough that I emailed his teacher after I sent him to school yesterday and the day before to ask her to check in on him and report back. He was always fine when she asked him. I did take him to the pediatrician yesterday just to make sure there was nothing nefarious going on... the doctor said there was a possibility maybe it was a really mild stomach bug working its way through and to give it a couple more days.
Okay, so MAYBE a stomach bug of some kind. But my guess?
Anxiety. Why? you ask?
Well, first and foremost, he's my kid. SO my kid...
But anyway, yesterday, when we got to the drop off zone at the school, Ben's lower lip started to tremble like he was trying to hold it together. I closed the door and continued around the loop again two more times to give him time to tell me what was going on. He BURST into tears and out it all came... "Markus won't stop making fun of me. He won't stop saying I'm the smallest kid in the class. He calls me a midget and says I am a bug and he will squash me. He says he can beat me at everything. I asked him to stop but he won't. He does it every single day."
(sigh)
I managed to help him get himself under control by promising to email the teacher about it. (he actually begged me to, which I thought was a pretty desperate sign, honestly)
So I came home and sent off a note to Ms M. to let her know what Ben had said and how upset he was. I knew she'd take it seriously, although I did issue a caveat that sometimes Ben can be REALLY sensitive and can take something that is even good-natured teasing sort of personally. (umm... yeah... those would be my genes at work right there) In this case, since I KNOW the kid in question and Ben has had issues with him before, years ago, in preschool, I can pretty much assume it wasn't good-natured... but at any rate, I thought I should let the teacher sort it all out and not go full throttle on the other kid right off the bat.
She wrote back relatively quickly and said she was surprised about this particular child taking part in something like this, but that she would address it. She talked to him and he is supposed to apologize to Ben today. She also said she was afraid that maybe she made it worse inadvertently by getting Ben and another child smaller chairs recently so they could sit at heir desks more comfortably. (I had to giggle a little at this thought, by the way.... poor Ben... ;)
At any rate, after her reply, I wrote back that I thought maybe he would benefit from talking to the guidance counselor a little... he is SUCH a sensitive kid and becoming increasingly upset/self conscious about this size issue.... seeing as how it's NOT going anywhere for now, I'm hoping maybe she can give him some coping tactics. It REALLY really seems to bother him... and now to the point where anticipating teasing from other kids is actually making his stomach hurt. (sigh) He also tends to store all of this anxiety up and let it loose all at once (like he did on me yesterday morning), so I'm hoping she can help him with that some too....
Anyway... we'll see. Poor buddy! :( He was tearful even this morning when I dropped him off. I hate sending him to school knowing he's upset. :(
7 comments:
Sigh. School sucks sometimes. I was hoping Markus would leave him be, since his buddy's not there at school with him anymore. Guess not. Guidance counselors are a good place to start. Plus he'll get out of class for a bit, and that always makes a kid happy ;)
Interestingly, Markus and Ben have been buddies most of the year, at least according to Ben. Unfortunately, Ben not only got my uber-sensitive thing, he ALSO got Tom's complete and total inability to read people, so for all I know. He thinks EVERYONE is his friend until they do or say something that is SUPER obviously mean. Markus could have been nasty to him all year... who knows. I'm honestly surprised we've gone this long without hearing anything about him.
I told Ben Miss Sullivan (the GC) might be talking to him soon. He was totally unfazed... I'm sure he will be thrilled to get called out of class. LOL!
Luke has the same issue with "friends" every kid we meet is his very best friend. Then when one of these kids is really mean ( he doesn't pick up in the little jabs) he is devestated. He also forgives very easily, which is good but not all the kids who were mean deserve forgiveness ( at least I do think so). It's so hard when you can't be there anymore to watch them and protect them! We have had to talk about who real friends are several times...
Poor Ben! Makes me want to just give him a big hug. It is only later in life that you realize that all the kids are suffering to some extent with some issue, but at that age, it seems like you are the only one! Growing up can be so hard sometimes!
aw..this makes me sad, and one of the main reasons I worry about Maggie..6 years old, 39 inches and 32 lbs and not even in K yet...She loves everyone and every child is her "friend"..Kids can hurt each other so bad...Poor Ben..Hope it all gets fixed soon, and maybe I should home school..lol
I am so sorry. My son is super anxious (I really wish we lived closer as our boys are so flipping similar, even age). I am SO PROUD of him for telling you what it was. Is he smaller than most of the kids? I didn't realize and certainly can't tell from photos. Even at that - Markus needs a swift reminder of reality. I do NOT take lightly to this kind of stuff. It's essentially bullying - and the classic sign is that it ultimately affected not only Ben's health, but his willingness to go to school. Would you feel comfortable calling the mom? I would - but I grow red with anger when someone is mean to my kid. FURY.
Erin: Can Ben and Emily be friends?!?! So, so, so similar. Emily complains that her stomach hurts when she is feeling anxious. Emily is super-sensitive in school (although Ben's reasons for being upset are legit). Emily started talking to the counselor when her anxiety peaked around the time of her birthday. (The party invite stuff was sooooo stressful for her.) The counselor helped her with her confidence and standing up for herself. She says she has seen it all. Emily doesn't get stressed about her peers much anymore, but she does get major anxiety over school assignments-- things I'm pretty sure most kids don't think twice about. (Sigh)
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