After a great day on Wednesday, I took Ben to camp yesterday and he FREAKED out and wouldn't stay. It was the same story I was getting from him with school this year -- "No one likes me. No one will let me be part of their group." He cried and cried. The counselors were exactly ZERO help, seeing this all going on and me trying to pry him off my leg and get him to sit down, and not coming over to offer any encouragement in the least. I was completely on my own.
I had the other two boys with me too, of course and, for some reason, Simon decided to just walk out. I looked over to where he had been standing, next to Jonathan's stroller and he was just GONE. I scanned the crowd thinking I'd see his hair any second but he was NOWHERE. I was getting ready to enlist the help of the camp director when another mom, who thankfully, I knew from preschool, came walking in with him. She said she'd found him in the parking lot screaming. Lovely. What came over him that he decided to walk out without me is just beyond me. But that's a moment I'd rather not relive.
At any rate, between all that and Ben who just refused to sit down and instead just followed me around with tears in his eyes insisting he wasn't staying, I just gave up... though not without consequences. I told him if he left with me, I was taking away his Nintendo DS and I wouldn't tell him for how long. He left anyway.
I don't know what to do with this kid. He was genuinely upset and feeling alone and left out there, that I know. But he seems to have this problem EVERYWHERE, so it's clearly not always the situation, but his issue. There was even another little boy there who he knew from preschool and basketball who was ALSO completely alone and with whom Ben had kind of been hanging with the other three days. I don't know why he wouldn't just stick with that little boy! But no... he left poor little Jack sitting alone at a table looking all forlorn. I actually felt sorrier for Jack than I did for Ben yesterday. LOL.
I kind of think, from now on, if we enroll Ben in these kinds of things, he HAS to be with someone he knows well in order to feel safe and confident. As a complete introvert, I actually do get that. I just wish he would learn to cope like I did as a kid... by taking up with whatever other kid is wandering around alone. LOL.
Tom's annoyed that he has quit yet another thing. I'm annoyed, but I get it. .I don't know what I could have done differently yesterday though, honestly... especially without support from the staff and with no one to supervise the other two while I dealt with the situation.
Argh. Parenting is HARD!
3 comments:
OMG - this is MY LIFE with my son. Up until the second to last day for first grade, he was crying about not wanting to go. It's NOT you, it is him and it's a mild form of anxiety (in my opinion based on the drs, reading, and the one professional- ie. not school-psychologist).
I let Jake choose what he wants to do - ie. soccer or baseball - and then once he commits, he has to go because he chose it.
Having said that, he has an ice skating birthday party invite and he instantly said no because he "wouldn't know how to do it." So I just replied no to the party - otherwise it would be tears leading up to and during the party. NOW, had he said he would go and then changed his mind, I would make him go. I did that at a karate invite - he wanted to go and then changed his mind that day - I told him he had to go b/c the mom paid...and he had a great time.
Being a teacher and an anxious person myself - it's EASIER but less fun to avoid things. Ben would have had a stellar time with science camp, but the worry about no one liking him got in the way. You can't just tell a person like that, "Don't worry." I wish it was that easy. But if he keeps doing things and following thru and seeing that they are "safe" and fun - then he will (hopefully) take more risks.
Ben and Jake are so similar with so many, many things.
LOL. Can Jake come be Ben's friend? They really do seem SO similar.
I get it too.. I was similar as a kid... but I'd like to think I would have stuck out this camp. It was WAY cool and full of kids like Ben (in both tempermant and interests)
Will give your advice a try with just letting him choose things... he already says he wants to do basketball again in the winter. So we'll start there. :)
Ok, here's the deal - we will move down so that Jake and Ben can be friends as long as Emma can marry one of your three :) Deal?!?
Honestly - it's not that misery loves company, but it's so helpful to know that other "normal" kids are going through this stuff. Otherwise, I know that I started doubting myself!!!
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